Mother’s Day Special

If you’re anything like me (and I know I am), you struggle with dates. Not the fig-like fruits, mind you. More like calendars, special events, things like Mother’s Day.

Wait… WHAT?! Um… it’s time to think about that again. Starting now. Because Mother’s Day is on May 12, and, again, if you’re like me, you’ll make plans to plan ahead, and you’ll try to pull your wife’s gift together early, and nothing ever goes as planned, so May 11 will find you Hallmark-hopping in a desperate attempt to craft something meaningful, thoughtful, and very, very fast.

Not that I’ve ever done that. This is you we’re talking about, after all. Don’t give me those judging looks.

Anyhow, in an effort to help you, busy father and husband, give your wife the treatment she deserves this Mother’s Day, I am pleased to inform you all about the MOB Society, Avodah Coffee, and Freeset’s awesome Mother’s Day Special! Here’s a great opportunity to bless your overworked, overstressed, and just plain weary wife with gifts that will encourage her and be a blessing to others.

The details:

Give the gift of hope this Mother's Day! Get this beautiful "Hope bag" from Freeset, a copy of Hope for the Weary Mom: Where God Meets You in Your Mess, and a bag of delicious Avodah Coffee for just $35!

For just $35 (including shipping) you can give the boy mom in your life this awesome Mother’s Day package!

From Freeset Global

(Every purchase goes toward helping women escape from sex slavery!)

For specs on this bag, visit http://themobsociety.com/2013/04/give-the-gift-of-hope-this-mothers-day-a-new-mob-society-bag-for-you/

Freeset MOB Society "Hope" BagMOB Society Freeset Hope bag


(Click the “buy now” button above to purchase the package with a RED bag)


(Click the “buy now” button above to purchase the package with a BLUE bag)

This is the “Hope” bag, customized with the MOB Society’s logo on the side. It’ll hold everything imaginable, so you’ll have to dive in headfirst when she can’t find her phone. Just the way she likes it.

From Hope for the Weary Mom

One paperback copy of Hope for the Weary Mom: Where God Meets You in Your Mess by Brooke McGlothlin and Stacey Thacker!

“Right now, I have nothing to give. Nothing. Nada. I’m tired and don’t feel good and honestly, I want a break from everything. It’s not that I want to leave my family, trade them in, or get new ones. I WANT to be with them. I just want a break from hard hearts, discipline, correction. I want their hearts changed and I can’t do it myself. Sometimes, the knowledge of this makes me feel hopeless and helpless.”

Where God Meets You in Your Mess

From Avodah Coffee

One bag of coffee (any Boy Mom’s best friend) from Avodah Coffee- a company that gives a portion of the proceeds from every sale to organizations like Compassion, Freeset, and Samaritan’s Purse.

Avodah Coffee

This Mother’s Day, give the gift of “Hope”

For just $35 (shipping included) you can order one of these great Mother’s Day specials (including the Hope bag, book, and one bag of coffee) for the boy mom in your life. Make your purchase knowing that part of the proceeds will be furthering the cause of freedom for women because of our partnerships with Freeset and Avodah (to read more about the work of Freeset Global, click here).

To order your Mother’s Day special, just click on the “buy now” button below.

But hurry, there will only be 250 sets available. We’re working on a first-come, first-serve basis, and asking God to completely sell us out so we can make a difference in the lives of moms everywhere!

When we sell all 250 bags, we’lll have made enough money for Freeset to put ELEVEN women through training to make these bags! That’s ELEVEN women with hope for a noble future, because of your decisions to click “buy now!”

Pre-order your Mother’s Day special from the MOB Society between now and May 1, 2013 (or until we sell out). They’ll ship soon after and arrive at your home just in time for Mother’s Day.


(Click the “buy now” button above to purchase the package with a RED bag)


(Click the “buy now” button above to purchase the package with a BLUE bag)

No worries this year, faithful husband and gift-giver. We’ve got your back. Take advantage of this and avoid Hallmark! Homemade cards are better anyway…

3 Tools For Transforming The Heart Of Your Boy (Part 1)

My oldest son is just a few weeks beyond turning 13.  As a dad who has spent a decade in youth ministry, there is part of me that feels ready and prepared, knowing the issues he is going to struggle with, the challenges he will face, and the strategies I can utilize to help him.  Yet there is another part of me that the word “inadequacy” can’t even begin to describe. I know my son is in the midst of change… all boys are, especially at this age.  So the fact that my son needs to grow has little to do with my constant seesaw between confidence and inadequacy.  In fact, more than the reality of change, the question that impacts my effectiveness as a dad is really, “What am I placing my trust and confidence in when it comes to the power available to transform  and mold my son?”

transforming boy

From what I can tell, there are primarily three tools that I have at my disposal as a dad as I seek to help nurture my son’s growth in a way that is more than just behavior modification:

 

  1. Will Power.  The “can-do” attitude is part of who we are as men.  There is no mountain too tall, no river too wide, no valley too deep that we can’t overcome (thanks to Diana Ross).  We as men think ourselves to be nearly invincible and in need of very little.  Especially when it comes to change.  If there is an area of weakness in our lives, all we need is a little discipline and we can fix it.  If there is a challenge in front of us, all we have to do is have some stick-to-it-iveness and we can plow through it.  “Just do it,” are the words rolling through our minds with the theme song of the A-Team as background music.  Will power is the motivation we offer when we try to convince our sons that they are good enough and smart enough and capable enough.  Will power is the motivation we appeal to when we remind our kids that they know what they need to do, now just make it happen.  Yet will power will ultimately not lead to any lasting transformation.  It may yield temporary results and short term gains, but it won’t transform a heart.
  2. Emotions.  In the midst of the rollercoaster that our sons are already on, appealing to their emotions is sometimes so easy and effective.  We appeal to their emotions when we correct them with phrases like, “stop crying like a girl,” or “act like a man.”  It is the appeal to emotions that lies behind, “you better do this or you will get punished.”  After all, who really wants to invite pain and suffering?  Emotions are the basis of our appeal when we attempt to motivation our sons by connecting their actions to our love and approval of them.  If the only time your son hears you say “I love you,” is when he scores a touchdown or goal or basket, is it any surprise that he becomes the most zealous athlete in the neighborhood?  The guilt trip may yield some short-term, circumstantial gains, but the heart will still fail to be transformed.

So, without the “pull up your bootstraps” approach and the “let-me-make-you-feel-like-junk” (aka the guilt trip) tactic, what is left in your quiver as a dad?  Your most effective hope of all… but for that you need to check back for part two!

 

You know the NEW saying, “Boys will be…girls??!!”

Hey Dad,

There aren’t many things in the media that get my temperature up because I know that most of what the experts predict, discuss, or preach doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.

That said, I feel my temperature rising over an idea that seems to be growing. It’s the thought that: little boys who think they feel like little girls should be nurtured in that thinking.

Boys will be girls?

First, an article was passed on to me by a fellow dad about another dad in Germany (I think) who wore a skirt because his little boy liked to wear dresses and the dad didn’t want to discourage his son from being who he wanted to be.

Some of us have had boys who put on dresses from time to time. My boys have occasionally come up to me with goofy looks on their faces to parade their silly dress-up. I always laughed and then added, “Now go get something else on…boys don’t wear dresses.”

I didn’t make a huge deal out of it, but I also wanted to teach my sons from an early age that God expects ‘men’ to be men. It’s not optional.

Then yesterday, I read in World Magazine (March 23, 2013) that several hospitals in the US offer hormonal treatments for kids questioning their gender. The treatment postpones puberty so that if little Johnny decides he really wants to be a girl, then he won’t have started down the slippery path of ‘maleness’ before it’s too late to alter.

What set my blood boiling is that the story described how a DAD took his 9-year-old son to Chicago for the treatment because his son liked to wear dresses. This may sound like an isolated, far-fetched incident, but it’s a reminder that our society as a whole is working hard to convince us that these gender lines don’t matter.

Dad, it is our job as father to not give our sons the option of being a boy or girl. If God created them as boys, then they ARE boys and our sole purpose as their dad is to help and guide them to be MEN.

So, you make sure your sons dress like men, do men things, and behave as men. It’s not about some legalistic macho stereotype, it’s about training our sons to be dads, husbands, and the men God created them to be.

And I’m telling you, it’s a whole bunch easier to start when they’re little boys than waiting until they’re teenagers.

You ‘da man-dressing-dad,

Todd

Our Children Need Forgiveness

Our Children Need Forgiveness

The other night our now 4-year-old was frustrated by his little brother’s unwillingness to give him the Lightning McQueen Car that he was riding. And so, being the bigger and stronger of the two, he simply pushed his little brother off and took it for himself.  The younger one sat crying on the floor, frustrated and physically injured from the fall. That’s when I sprang into action as the defender of the downtrodden. I took hold of the 4-year-old and demanded an explanation, knowing full well why he did what he did, but wanting him to admit his wrongdoing.

Now, one thing I will say for our 4-year-old, he has learned to own up to his inappropriate behavior. He confessed that he pushed his little brother off the car because he wanted to ride it and wasn’t willing to wait for his turn. While I was still enraged, his honest response softened me and instead of inflicting a severe punishment I exiled him to the family room, away from Lightning McQueen, his brother and the rest of the family. Little did I know that this punishment would be more impactful than a typical time out or the loss of some privilege.

So after consoling our youngest son, telling him to ‘suck it up’ (but in more age appropriate terms), and placing him back on Lightning, I headed upstairs to change into some sweat pants and gather up some laundry (yes, even I do laundry when I am desperate for clean underwear). I then heard my wife Carolyn calling, “Daddy.” This wasn’t some affectionate use of the term, but a call on behalf of a needy child. I emerged from the bedroom at the top of the staircase to see her standing with our 4-year-old. He was sobbing and distraught. I looked at him with eyes of compassion and asked, “What’s the matter?” Carolyn responded, “He needs your forgiveness.” I invited him to come up the stairs where I was waiting with open arms. Forgiveness was already his without even asking, but I realized that he still needed to ask for it; and so, between sobs he whimpered, “I’m sorry, Daddy.” I wrapped my arms around him, began to kiss him on the cheek and told him, “I forgive you and I love you soooo much!” His sobbing ceased and relief came over his face. He then went back downstairs, restored and at peace because he knew the love and forgiveness of his father.

This was a great reminder and lesson for me. Our children need to know that they are loved unconditionally and forgiven when they mess up. They need to learn the humility that is required to ask for forgiveness. This will serve them well throughout their lives in whatever arena they find themselves. It also reveals an innate need for reconciliation with God and man.   So let this be a reminder to us as parents and people that while ‘Lightning’ is powerful, it lasts only for a moment; but forgiveness is more powerful and lasts for eternity!

Teaching Your Children the Bible {The Dig for Kids Giveaway}

About 2 years ago my daughter said to me, “Dad, I am glad you are a pastor.” When I asked her why, she said, “Because you teach us the Bible.”

The truth is, every parent should be (and can be) a pastor to his or her children.

The Apostle Paul makes an interesting comment regarding Timothy’s training as a child. In 2 Timothy 3:14-15, Paul says, “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”

Paul suggests in those verses that Timothy was being taught the Bible from a very young age.

In an effort to simply and systematically teach our children books of the Bible, I created The Dig for Kids. Out of the experience I create, biblical principles are learned and lived. The goal, of course, is that our children will fall in love with Jesus as their Savior and grow up to follow Him with all their heart, soul, and strength.

Help Your Children Learn the Bible! ~www.thebettermom.com

We were thrilled to have such an amazing response to The Dig for Kids: Luke Volume 1! The Dig for Kids has consistently been on Amazon’s “Best-Seller” List and #1 in Children’s Bible & Prayer!  It is incredible to think of literally thousands of families joining together and learning God’s Word with this resource.  The Dig, provides a fun and easy way for YOU to get into the Bible with your kids!

For those of you who haven’t heard of The Dig, a typical Dig lesson consists of the following four components:

1. The Map: The Map tells you and your child where you’ll be going in each lesson. It is a short summary of the study ahead.

2. The Dig: The Dig is the main passage you will be studying. Following each passage will be several questions designed to help conversation and understanding. They are meant to be a guide. You can use them or tweak them to help you talk with your children.

3. The Treasure: The Treasure is the big idea of each lesson. In a short statement, it is what you want your child to remember from the passage you studied.

4. The Display: When an archaeologist finds a treasure, they will clean it up and put it on display for everyone to see. This is the basic idea of the Display. It is the application of the Treasure you have found!

 

The Dig is available in PDF, Kindle, and Nook Versions as well as Paperback.

The Dig Luke Vol. 2 (Chapters 13-24):

Click HERE to purchase for $2.99 (reg. $4.99) the PDF

Click HERE to purchase for $2.99 (reg. $4.99) the Kindle version 

Click HERE to purchase for $2.99 (reg. $4.99) the Nook version 

Click HERE to purchase for $9.99 (reg. $12.99) the Paperback version

You can also purchase The Dig Luke Volume 1 here.

To celebrate the launch of The Dig for Kids: Luke Vol. 2 we are giving away 3 copies!! Enter to win below!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Whose Problem Is This?

Every week my wife and I face situations where we must help our boys learn the responsibility of the choices they make. Believe me, there are plenty of opportunities with three boys around. The challenge is allowing them the freedom to make decisions and walking them through the consequences. Some of the choices they make are good and beneficial, while others are not and create messes. When this happens, our job as parents is to help our boys “own their messes.” This was especially difficult when they were younger because we didn’t like to see them fail, feel pain, or lose out. Sometimes it was just as easy to solve it myself and move on.

Either way, we came to realize that our approach was not working for two reasons. One, our boys’ messes eventually became our messes, even if we had nothing to do with it. Two, it became apparent that our boys weren’t learning for themselves how God designed them to grow into maturity. The day my wife and I figured this out and implemented a different plan with our boys, a surprising transformation took place in our home. We breathed a little easier, the arguing diminished, and the communication of what was expected of them became much clearer.

Here’s an example. Each of our boys has chores around the house. Each of them knows what is expected regarding when and how the chores are to be done. Recently, the chore of taking out the trash went “unattended.” It was overflowing and was smelling something awful. Now, how did I used to handle this? Yell, fuss, belabor the point of how it needs to be done without me always having to give reminders…interject some threats of punishment, and then send him away.

How do we solve this issue in our home now? I calmly called for my son, asked for his cell phone, told him the trash was not taken out by the time we both agreed upon, and informed him he would get the phone back at a later time. No yelling, threatening, or arguing. I know it seems too cut and dry, almost too easy. Rest assured, it doesn’t always go smoothly; but it does create the results we want for our boys.

Whose Problem 5.png

Below are a few things we did that laid the groundwork for this kind of environment in our home. I also added, in italics, how these points applied to the “taking out the trash” situation above. Know that it will take time, diligence, and even courage to establish this kind of environment, so be patient and graceful. Remember the goal…heart connection.

1)    Make the expectations clear for both of you. Mutually agree upon who is responsible in each situation, especially when something doesn’t go right. (My son understands that the trash cannot get to a point of overflowing AND/OR be constantly reminded to do something he already knows to do)

2)    Offer them “real” choices. Not just a choice between what you want them to do and don’t want them to do. That’s a set up for failure. Offer two options where either one will work for you. Help them understand the benefits and consequences of not choosing either of the options. (If I don’t allow my son to have some control in how he decides to do his chore, then he might feel like he has no ownership—choosing the day, time, or way empowers him with responsibility. Having a cell phone is a privilege that requires responsibility in other areas of his life.)

3)    If they choose “poorly” (kids who push the envelope will do this) be prepared with a plan of what YOU will do to still make it their problem. What I mean is this: consequences breed ownership, ownership breeds responsibility. (On occasion I get push back– you know, a little attitude. I respond to this by saying some of the greatest words a parent will ever learn: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but that’s not my problem.” This keeps the problem where it should be…on its creator. If I get more attitude I encourage them by saying, “I understand this is hard for you, but I think you’re fully capable of figuring this out. If you need help with that, let me know.”)

4)    Guard your heart! It’s easy and tempting to become frustrated, desperate, or even angry. Keeping our emotions in check prevents the situation from escalating any further. Just as God is long-suffering with us when we are figuring out life, we need to be the same with our kids.

Teaching our kids (especially boys) to create solutions for their problems without us deciding for them is one of the best gifts we can give to them while they’re in our home. Doing this with sanity and patience can only come from the Holy Spirit’s power working through us. If this is a challenge to you or you have questions about this topic, I invite you to share them with me.

http://chadssmith.com/

Men’s Breakfast

Men's Breakfast BoyDads

Friday Morning.

6:15 AM.

Boys #1, #2, and #3 are all up, dressed, and ready to go. The reason?

Breakfast with Dad.

We had a great time enjoying morning conversation and pancakes that, as boy #2 said, “…were as big as my head!” I am going to be intentional and make this something I do every 6 to 8 weeks. It is easier than trying to do lunch at their school with them individually, and it is great to get some time with my men-in-training.

Here are 3 reasons you should take your sons to breakfast sometime soon:

1. Build memories — You do not have to have amazingly deep and meaningful conversation for the time to be memorable. They will remember the time they spent with you. Save the money you would spend on them for “stuff” and use it for experiences. When you are a kid, breakfast with dad on a school day is an experience to remember.

2. Lay the foundation — While you may not have many serious things to talk about with your kids when they are 8, 6, and 4, you will as they get older. Having a routine of getting away with them is a good start and something you can build on. As they grow and mature, so will your conversations.

3. Because you are dad — I know you are busy and you have lots going on. You are an important person. I get it. But, you are their father before any of those other things you listed in your head as to why you do not have time for this. Your engagement in their life matters. It impacts them in ways you will never know. Just like your absence.

So, go have breakfast with your kids. And if you do, get the pancakes. They are as big as your head!

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Being called to be a Godly husband (leading his wife to all God intended her to be) and raising his boys into Godly men is the greatest calling that Dustin Kaehr knows.He has a passion to do these things everyday. He truly wants to be an Authentic Man that Rejects Passivity, Leads Courageously, Accepts Responsibility, and Expects the Greater Reward, God’s Reward.  You can find him blogging about fatherhood, marriage, and godly living at www.dustinkaehr.com

Learning to Control Our Thought Lives

Learning to control our thought lives.png

Ever since I passed my 40th birthday, I have found that my metabolism is starting to slow down. Up until then, I could eat whatever I wanted with very little consequence.

Now, however, I need to pay attention to what I eat, how much I eat, and when I eat. A few months back I stepped on the scale and did not like the number the scale showed me. It was time for a change. The weight loss that has ensued has been a mental and physical journey, but it also became a spiritual journey as well. I learned that I could go to bed hungry and that is okay. I learned that life is not about satisfying my every indulgence. Through it, I learned that I need a greater focus on what God wants of my life, and less focus on my own needs.

It is not quite fasting to lose a little weight through self-discipline, but but it does bring more clarity and focus into my world.

Side effects of this journey: I lost almost 50 pounds. I have more energy, my nightly heartburn is gone, I moved down a few sizes in clothes, and my thought life is more under control. I know, it seems funny that by not indulging in food without restraint, my thought life would change as well. To me, this has been more about learning to to say no to cravings of the flesh and asking God to give me the strength to keep my resolve.

If you are like me, you are quite glad that you don’t dwell in the company of mind-readers. I can be just floating along minding my own business when a thought comes through that is just not something to be proud of. If I don’t capture those thoughts and focus on more noble things, I wallow in shallow self-indulgent daydreams. God wants more from me, and from you too.

In Philippians 4:8 (NLT) the Bible says:
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

My wife deserves to hold a starring role in my sensual thoughts. My friends deserve my thoughts to be encouraging and non-judgemental. My God deserves my thoughts of adoration without the distraction of idols.

I also need to take this beyond my thoughts and teach my children about disciplining their thought-life. too. I need to show my sons how I turn away from looking at a woman who is wearing something that reveals too much, and I need to encourage them to do the same. I need to teach my children that they need to control themselves, even when they are angry or frustrated. My kids also need to hear me tell them no, when they want the latest, coolest gadget–learning that they must wait instead of immediately satisfying their desire for things.

Are you feeling weighed down by unrighteous thoughts and the associated guilt? I encourage you to begin the journey of losing the weight, the burden. And losing a few actual pounds might be not be so bad either.

Disclaimer: I am no workout junkie. Just the opposite. I still enjoy a well-made burger, a large order of fries, and a chocolate (no wait, maybe a strawberry) shake. I battle daily with doing the right thing, just like you.

God’s Grace in Dad’s Failure

I am a screw-up.

This is one of the many valuable lessons I took from my high school youth group. That, and the indispensable knowledge of just how many marshmallows I can fit in my mouth and still say, “Chubby Bunny.”

Anyhow, like most people, I am painfully aware of my mistakes – often even as I am making them. This awareness of my failures and flaws often leads me to a place where I believe I’ve disqualified myself in God’s eyes. Not that I’ve lost salvation or taken myself out of His family, but that I have acted in such a way that He can’t, or won’t, use me.

The sense sometimes becomes overwhelming that I, because of mistakes, because of willfully following my own desires instead of God’s, can no longer live and serve effectively. As if I could nullify the grace of God. As if I became exempt from serving God because I could not maintain perfection, or committed a “big” sin. As if I have the authority to sideline myself because of my own self-disdain.

And I’ve found that this kind of mindset bears a direct correlation to my parenting. For, after all, if I am not suited to serve God, how could I be suited to fatherhood? The thinking goes something like this: I am flawed. I have failed countless times, even today. How can I have anything to offer to my sons, to ensure that they will grow up to be godly men?

I guess what I’m talking about here is guilt; guilt that paralyzes us, instead of catalyzing us. Regret that holds us back from action, or causes us to think we have to make up for our past mistakes. Sorrow that causes us to withdraw, and hide away that broken part of ourselves.

God's Grace in Dad's Failure

And all the while, we ignore the grace of God and the intercession of Jesus Christ. 1 John tells us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness… If anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.” (1 John 1:9, 2:1)

I don’t know about you, but I struggle accepting grace and forgiveness. I have a hard time believing that God truly remembers my mistakes and failures no more. I hold onto them, internalize them; and they become ingrained into who I am. And my inability to receive grace sets an example for my sons: that though they have confessed, though they know Christ, though they turn away from sin, it’s still not okay.

Our children need to see grace in our lives. Not just our grace toward them, but also God’s grace toward us. In other words, it is fine for us to tell our children that God is gracious, that He forgives sins and doesn’t count them against us because of Christ; it’s an entirely different thing to live the grace of God for our children. If they see us constantly downtrodden and defeated because of our past mistakes and failures, how can we expect them to learn how to get back up and move on? How do we expect them to learn that Christ, rather than failure, defines them? And how do we expect them to learn not only moving on, but growing up, through their mistakes?

It is in our failures, our willingness to accept grace, and our striving to become more like Christ, that our children first see the grace of God being worked out. It is when we allow them to see, at least in part, some of our struggles, and the power of God in transforming those struggles into victory, that they gain a sense of God’s greater redemptive work, and His desire to effect it in their lives, too.

Our failures as dads and men don’t disqualify us, as servants of God or as parents. No, they are not to be sought, or desired, but they can be redeemed, and that redemption will change the shame of failure into the beauty of grace.

Prayer Day

It’s time again for our monthly Prayer Day. We want to consistently offer the opportunity to bear each other’s burdens, because everyone needs a safe space to come and ask for prayer.

Prayer Day for Boy Dads. Know any dads who need prayer? Point them this way!

Leave your request in the comments. Then, if you have the time, leave another comment with a written prayer for the person right above you. Let’s support each other, holding up each other’s arms in this battle to raise godly men.

Let’s pray. 

(Photo Credit)